I Come in Peace
This is the podcast, Our Beautiful Minds, produced by the OPC; isn’t it time? I’m Saigim Wylder or you can call me Fox - I want to believe. I want to believe in the human race. So I am coming to you in peace to tell you that I have been working on the question, how do you bring about world peace, since I was a child. Maybe I was an indigo kid? Have you heard of them or the book What do the Bleep do we Know Anyways? Nowadays I believe that medically speaking I’d be called neurodivergent but I have not been diagnosed with that. As a child I didn’t have parents that would have allowed that.
I’m going to come clean right off the bat, I had my own personal agenda. It was because at six I decided I was going to stop the bad men from hurting the kids, from hurting me. Within a couple years I realized to do that I’d have to figure out how to create world peace. It was selfish just as everyone is. I wanted to be free, free to explore my imaginary friends, free to explore what they told me, free to explore my amazing meat suit, free to explore the super computer in my skull, and free to explore my spirit. That is all I wanted and all I’ve ever wanted. I am a selfish being just like everyone else.
I was also scared, just like everyone else. I am scared, sometimes it feels like to death but I keep reminding myself that somehow I’m still here. Like too many people, the realities of the world started for me when I was a baby. The parents that were supposed to keep me safe, give me a chance to develop and form into who I was and am, and then give me autonomy so I could go see who I was in the world, well, they were asleep and in the dark and thought they knew what they were doing. So, no one and I mean no one, go and hurt them. Let everything fall where it lay and then, then let’s figure out what to do.
In fact, all I am asking is for you to listen to my story, how I came up with what I know, and then I will answer ANY questions you have to the best of my ability. Until then, I won’t field any questions unless they are prefaced with, this is how I can help, is any of that useful right now? Otherwise, I will give you a hint on what you should be doing because it will take longer than today's podcast for me to tell you everything I have to say. Until, go about business as normal, except this and I beg this of you if there has ever been a human that has fallen on their knees, naked, cold, alone, helpless, quaking, that is how I am begging right now, at your feet begging you to start practicing integrity no matter what the consequences.
I don’t know of a single person that is truly practicing this because we have all been asleep for a very long time. Most of us are starting to wake up, that’s the really exciting good news. The bad news is there’s no way to bring about world peace without a mess, plain and simple. The really absolutely amazing news is that it can be done without needless war or bloodshed. We definitely don’t need rioting, beating, looting, or anything like that. Anyone doing so in my name is no friend of mine. I will state right here and right now I am a very strong believer that needless violence is pretty much as bad as it gets, that is sin, that is blasphemy.
Violence in and of itself is not bad or evil. It exists all over and in everything throughout the universe, we’re still just trying to understand it. Self defense, that’s needful. The defense of those who cannot defend themselves, that’s needful and powerful. Nothing really huge needs to change per say, not the way I’ve heard and watched people envision how world peace could be brought about. There’s no need to throw the baby out with the bathwater.
That being said, what I have to say will hurt plenty, especially my parents. I would not do this if that part could be avoided but it can’t and honestly shouldn’t be. In fact, we all need to start setting examples of setting things right and everything will end up right in the end, you will see, I promise, in your life, no apocalypse, no end of the world, just setting things right. What I have to say is going to hurt everyone I think but only in the same way that it hurts to rip a bandage off, that’s the good news. Badnews, we also require some cold water to be thrown in our faces, good news, it’s going to fix everything. Bad news, the “it” in that sentence is you. Good news is that it means world peace, it means a better tomorrow for our kids, it means a better tomorrow for us, and it means we don’t have to go to war to do this. That last part is really fucking spectacular news to me by the way.
Big sigh of relief. So, instead of laying it out in a way that only the intellectuals who hold stamped pieces of papers can understand and validate and maybe, no, most definitely, will obliterate but then give me a stamped piece of paper so I can go make money to feed myself and my ego, I am just going to give it all to you for free. The good news for me is that I’m going to let you guys do the peer reviewed articles on all this, I am very very tired. I am going to give myself a stamp of approval.
In fact, when I realized I’d discovered the answer to world peace and a way to disseminate it to the masses I suddenly felt like I couldn’t. Who would pay me, would it be worth all the pain and suffering, was I right, will they ridicule me? What if I’m wrong, what if I’m a failure? Sigh, deep breath, ok, who really cares? What?! Really, who fucking cares, you survived psychological, physical, sexual, sociatal, governmental abuse for forty five years and came up with ANY answer to world peace. That’s fucking amazing if I do say so myself. However, what I’ve learned is that this doesn’t make me any worse or better than any of you.
Three years ago I got addicted to cigarettes. I drink when it suits me which isn’t very much or very often I’ve discovered. I love coffee, it is beautiful, tasty, and magical. Ketamine is the only thing that eases my physical ailments without a bunch of awful side effects that don’t agree with me physically. My body has been through more than anyone should or could have asked of it. Part of my physical ailments are medication resistant depression, chronic and debilitating anxiety, PTSD, DID, panic attacks, nausea, dizziness, memory loss, a myriad of gut issues, involuntary muscle movements, spasms, chronic pain and migraines just to name a few. I use weed and love weed.
I used to have all kinds of food issues but I think I’m mostly through those. I have never had the time, motivation, or bandwidth for entertainment with no purpose whatever you may think about what I was doing while binge watching stuff. I was doing it with paper and pen at hand in my mind as I did with everything. It was just recently that I started to understand self care and that it’s a necessity and not an indulgence. I need help, plain and simple. My current situation regarding survival is shaky at best and I have never had the resources to thrive, truly. Still, I’m blessed and I got to have a dream and discover the meaning of life for myself and all the while completing a mission I had given myself.
So what if I’m a modern day Diotima or Socrates? What’s it to you? Why wouldn’t we celebrate our philosophers and pioneers any more? Why would we leave great minds to drink themselves to death still? I can’t think of a good reason. Maybe I will be assassinated, maybe no one will listen, I don’t care, I survived. More importantly, I set goals that everyone said were impossible and I listened to my higher self which made it possible for me to fulfill. What more is there in life than that? I don’t need to be any worse or better than anyone else. I simply want to step out into the sunlight. Or lay quietly in a comfortable, health promoting bed, in a private nice room, in a building I call home where there is some land for myself, my loved ones, and anyone that needs sanctuary can roam and be able to breathe in fresh air and feel safe.
I don’t want to be afraid any more. It has given me physical, mental, and spiritual health problems. I puke for no apparent reason, I have been severely and chronically constipated since my daughter was born and recently I started having such bad diarrhea that I have repeatedly shit my pants. Really guys, don’t laugh, or laugh, it was funny every time. More funny stories about that later.
I am now on disability. Food stamps for a single female in Utah in the US of A gives you around a hundred bucks. It is hard for me to afford organic, planet friendly, locally produced food which is by far the healthiest. It is even harder for me to prepare because I rarely feel good enough to stand in place for more than a couple minutes at a time. Insurance doesn’t pay for K or marajuana like it should. In fact, drugs should be legalized, produced and distributed safely, to any adult that wants them. Offering people a safe sane way to exit the world after we’ve provided them with basic human rights should be a choice that no one should make for another human being unless it can’t be avoided.
Governments are old rich people part of families that have been pulling the strings for way too long. It is easy to get rid of them, stop giving them your fear and integrity. Plain and simple, everything else is an illusion. If you deserve basic human rights then babies do too and it doesn’t matter who the biological donors are. We know for a fact that too many of those people are the ones that are predators, ignorant, or just ill equipped. I mean, have any of you even considered the fact that if you’re a predator all you have to do is find another one of your kind and have babies and then you have fodder for life? One plus one equals two. Two produce innocent, unearned, life.
Everything is made of what? Ones and zeros. One, we are all one. We all need to go back to zero within ourselves and discover what is really true because even if you are awake, you are still culpable. I'm sorry, it’s true. You’ll see all of this by the time I’m done so please, pretty please be patient with me. All I’m asking is your time, for you to discuss this stuff with those around you, to look to those who have had more time waking up than you and be humble and ask how. I’m asking you to believe in miracles so you can start making them happen for yourselves and those around you and ultimately for the world, the future and the planet. I’m asking for kindness, it's free, plain and simple, almost all of you purport to believe in it, at least when you need it so I’m telling you, I need it, we all need it.
Fumes started coming from next door six months ago and it has been wreaking havoc on my health in all sorts of new ways. The neighbor refuses to acknowledge it is her despite the overwhelming amount of evidence that it is. The police seriously don’t give two shits. When a car came out of traffic and hit me & my daughter head on going the wrong way it took them 45 minutes to get there. Then the officer acted bored and annoyed, told me that there wasn’t anything he could do and here’s a report number for my insurance. I couldn’t even get my insurance to cover the damage because of my $500 deductible which was all I could afford in order to pay the monthly coverage.
Right now a very kind hearted woman pays for my auto insurance or I simply would not be able to get any. My car is paid off, that’s a whole other story but thank god for that. I have been homeless without a car and that is pretty awful but I was also a single mom so that made it worse. I am very grateful to all the people who have made it possible for me to have a small income, transportation, food, medicine, access to urgent care, and counseling right now. I salute all the heroes that have chosen to listen to their higher selves over and over again. Who have fought for the innocent and helpless.
My landlady threatened to evict me if I didn't stop complaining about the fumes after doing almost nothing about the situation. My housing caseworker told me to comply or get evicted and wait my contract out or I will lose section 8. A police officer heard me say that and asked if I have mental health problems, asked if maybe that was really what’s happening. Maybe sweetie, but you were being an ass and you know it, that’s why you got angry. You owe me an apology and you can certainly figure out where I live. I’ll be happy to answer the door and give you a hug if you want one but how you behaved was not right. I have lived here almost ten years and suddenly I can hardly breathe at all hours of the day or night. I have woken up coughing and wheezing so badly I had to go outside or go to urgent care. I have been so so many times in the last six months. There is a one way driveway into our parking and the traffic went from just those people that live in these twelve apartments and the few next door and guests to hundreds of people who show up for 1-6 minutes at a time but yeah, maybe it’s not her.
Whatever the case it sucks I cannot get any help from anyone simply because I don’t have money, family or church to help me. It stinks that I am sure this lady is living her best life, she seems like she’s a boss and we’d be friends if this world wasn’t burning down around us. In her mind she is most likely doing what she has to do by herself and her own. Everyone is and has been doing that for some time. Why should I waste energy being angry at her doing the same thing just a different way that everyone is doing? I mean, I was angry for a bit. I yelled at her pretty intensely one day. It didn’t resolve the situation, imagine that.
Let me be clear, I have done some really stupid shit in my life, people. Really, really stupid. There’s probably photos out there and videos and you can try to smear me if you want but I am just human like you. It’s been a rocky rocky journey and I haven’t done it perfectly just like the rest of us. A far cry from perfect really, except what is perfect? Until you can show me a life perfectly lived I say we just get over that idea right now. There is no reason that for me to be right I also have to be perfect or some nonsense like that. There are universal truths, we just don’t fully understand them all, yet.
The only way to theorize in my opinion if something is a universal truth is if it can apply to everyone and I mean everyone, no more outliers.The only way I think for everyone to have the opportunity to understand what I have to say is if it unfolds through a story. I’ve been listening to all of yours for a long time and now you need to hear my story, my perspective. Not for me but for you, for all the children out there that deserve better from us all, and for future children. Because not dealing with the reality of what is happening out there to them doesn’t make it not happening, it is and has been for some time.
Let me be perfectly clear. Right now, an uncountable number of children are starving, crying, dying, being sexually abused, assaulted, lied to, brain washed, shamed, swayed, and ultimately lobotomized. Yes, that’s right, we are a world full of intelligent, capable adults, some of the brightest the world has ever seen. We’re all standing on the shoulders of everyone that came before us, everyone else's accomplishments plain and simple while all this has been and continues to happen to innocent, helpless, babies.
In fact, I believe that our society has been built out of the abuse cycle. That was going to be the jist of my doctorate thesis. Every major branch of our society, of all societies on the planet earth right now as far as I am aware, have grown out of oppression and abuse. Because we have understood the abuse cycle for some time now we know that it can start with one person abusing a single child and that child often then becomes an abuser of many and many of those children become abusers and so on and so forth. Like a tree growing, branching and fanning out everywhere, its roots going deep, deep into the ground. Deep into our countries, our histories, our cultures, we live off the sweat and blood of children and have been doing so for a very long time.
Hawking told us that nothing can be proven and I agree, to a point because what I’m going to tell you is the secret to world peace can be, beyond any shadow of a doubt, if you believe in “proof,” proven. When you begin seeing it you won’t be able to stop and you’ll wonder how we missed it for so long and that’s going to be hard to swallow. It really was for me but I’ve had decades to absorb all this. I’m sorry it’s going to sting.
Also, it's so past time for the adults of the world to acknowledge that the greatest human atrocities have all happened to children while we were doing it to each other and that needs to stop. War, famine, pestilence, rape, assault, psychological abuse, Nazi camps, slavery, and more. We did all that to our children and told them it doesn’t matter, they can grow up and be whoever they want to be, yay. No, that’s not ok, we have to step up and acknowledge what we’ve been up to and it’s been no good in this case. We really really missed the boat on this one.
We shouldn’t be trying to explore space or keep paying exorbitant prices for style, or dumping incomprehensible amounts of money into being entertained when there are so so many children under-educated, starving, and terrified. What is wrong with us? Genuinely? Something is very very wrong, but nothing is wrong with being a human. The human spirit is exquisite and we all know this, there is endless proof of this in what we have overcome, what we have created as individuals and together throughout history.
We have also discovered that how we are living as a human race isn’t sustainable. We’ve also discovered that the powers that be have known that for a very long time. Now we are staring at all the fires and wondering how the hell we got here and if there’s any way to save ourselves let alone the planet? People are wondering why they have been lied to for so long about so so many things. They want to know what is really happening and they deserve to, we all do. Yet, everyone I talk to feels so powerless about the overall atrocities and I get it, I have too my whole life, until recently.
I’ve had to reparent myself. We all need to reparent ourselves. While we do that, we all need to give each other and ourselves a break. While we do that, we should all rethink what education, integrity, and community actually mean in reality right now and what they should and do mean in our hearts and our bellies. Everyone, and I mean everyone knows what those things feel like.
If you want to know what I think about how to do this, I’ll tell you some of my thoughts. If you are a world leader, step down and go get a job wherever they will hire you. If you are a government official, step up while we find who we want, who we desperately need. You are probably not going to be it because if you have any kind of position of power you got there by looking the other way and we need people that haven’t already betrayed us that way. We need adults with integrity and real life education, not people that have been gunning for power since high school. If you care and feel it is your calling you will find your back authentically and organically and learn what that means which is the least amount of atoning you should ALL be doing.
Meanwhile, because all the old narcissistic sick dirt bags are gone we need you to hold down the fort while we figure this out. Just don’t invade anyone else’s countries and we’re all good, no big dealio. Accidents will happen but by the end we’ll all understand Bob Ross’ happy accidents antidotes. Hold off on watching him because last I checked it isn’t anyone good getting the proceeds from his life and that’s wrong, we all know it. There doesn’t need to be a bunch of court proceedings with each other right off the bat. Just take a deep breath, remain calm, survive first and foremost, help those you love and others as you can. It’s basic airline education, put the oxygen mask on first so you can help babies.
Wake up and accept the police are not there right now in the spirit of protecting their people, they are taught to follow the laws and think they are even though they know in the end it really depends on their integrity. I have not seen any recently in the SLC police department for which I have been very saddened by because when I first moved here I was treated very kindly by an officer at seven eleven and that was healing for me. Thank you. The courts are not solutions until you get yourselves in order. They can work to set things right once we figure out how they can do that with integrity because they have none right now as far as I’m concerned. Except, the judge that approved my disability, he saved my life because he saw that maybe in some ways I didn’t qualify but in the ways that matter most I absolutely did. He will be a part of my story and many blessings.
The armies, you exist to protect your people from outside intruders no matter what you’ve been told wherever you are. Not to follow boobs which is what you’ve been doing for some time. If you’re not home, get home I’d say, whoever you are and work your own shit out which will most likely require working stuff out with family and loved ones and that is real and that is messy but it is amazing, in the end, if we have faith in each other and what we really believe.
People, stop invaders, killers, marauders, protect all children, each other, your communities and above all else yourself. We need your stories, all of them, the good, bad and ugly. I don’t care what you ate for breakfast right now. I care that there’s millions of starving babies right here, right now. All of you who are at the top, whatever that means to you, whether it is the wealth you’ve amassed, the power, the knowledge, it is time for you to give away everything except what you need and turn it into the good of all mankind because it was the good of mankind that gifted it to you, your ancestors, their neighbors, their doctors, pioneers, saints and sinners.
All of you at the top, give it back and it will come back tenfold to you and yours. Emmerson said, do not let kids inherit their parents' wealth. If you’re better educated and care as much as he did and have another idea then propose it to the world. Our perspectives are our gold, they are pieces of reality in the here and now and the only way to understand the past or plan for the future. We already know categorically that diversity solves problems, it doesn’t cause it, bigotry, ignorance, emotion, physical, and spiritual damage, and an uncaring community is what does. I don’t need to waste time trying to prove any of this, the evidence is already inside us. The solutions are all around us. There is no need any longer for needless violence, period. It is only continuing based on people’s bias’ and greed.
It’s the banks, the money, the numbers, they are the matrix. We got to see it in a movie. Those things were only supposed to represent reality so we could interact nonviolently with each other. They aren’t reality, they don’t equal bad or good or anything except what we want them to. If we don’t like the money system, let's get all the intelligent financiers in the world that offer to help and have them figure out a new one for the world that doesn’t oppress anyone. They have AI computers now to help them if they get writer's block.
We don’t like the prison system, stop reporting crimes, stop belly aching, I will too. We’re in the upsidedown right now and until we shake it out, down to the basics for everyone with intelligence and reasoning, empathy and compassion then it is all just heresy, hearsay, complaining. Ask people for help. Receive help. Reveal your personal truth about families and the system wherever you are to the point of sacrifice but not harm. Do it anonymously or just tell your loved ones, or turn yourself in to get help. We will get you help, it just might take a minute and it might not look the way we thought or hoped but guess what, reality is better than thoughts and hopes.
Learn about deconstruction and if you already do, practice doing it to everything and everyone but most importantly and always in the end, to yourself. Then reconstruct everything back into what matters, people, rights, freedom, kindness, love, and life. Love everyone like yourselves but only make your business your business, it’s not mine or anyone else's. I don’t care who or what you love or if you even think you can love or not, none of us have even begun to tap into that wellspring because we haven’t been truly allowed.
I propose crazy, weird, evil, good, genius, disease are all things we need to rethink and re-explore before we dig any more holes or wells into mother earth, before we come up with more laws, or pills. All of these things as far as I’m concerned, spirit, kindness, friendship, energy, these are all things that we haven’t even scratched the surface to on a scientific level and they can because all science is an exploration, data gathering and sharing, and then creation with that data. Nothing can be created or destroyed as far as we’re concerned so let’s just start with that premise. We do know that truth can be distorted and is the best way to couch a lie.
Everyone can participate in symbiosis, every living thing, every bit of matter, it all matters but one thing at a time. One step in front of the other, all basic, eternal truths, we are still trying to understand what reality even is but we all know what friendship is. Let’s start there. Until every citizen of this planet has the right and ability to explore who they are to their fullest potential without the illusions and crazy making we’re all feeding into then we all need to pause as much as possible and meditate, pray, dialogue, report, and then begin creating, not from nothing but out of what we already have, what’s right in front of us.
That is exciting shit and the possibilities are endless, all without needless violence. Life is already violent, scary, hard, it already throws out endless numbers of challenges of all shapes and sizes at us but it is what we’re all fighting to have. Playing in a playground is violent, those little monkeys can be scary but we know that children have to play! Guess what, we are all children in stretched out meat suits, supercomputers making shadows on the cave wall when there’s a big wide open universe for us to play in when we’re ready.
I don’t care what religious beliefs you practice or what family you were born into, that part only matters to you and should be fought for but we did all that, now let’s practice those beliefs and let everyone practice their own. There’s actually no evidence on the earth that any of that really makes a difference except for what people believe, how they need to express, practice, commune, those things no matter how foreign or alien it seems to us or no matter what they have done or who they are.
They need it to grow. We never stop growing. If we can’t take criticism then we’ve stopped growing. If we think there is nothing original under the sun then you have failed to understand the sun and everything under it and yet, you would be correct. If you think you have the only grasp on truth, the corner on the market of truth, then you need a reality check and probably some mental health care. Even if you are a serial killer with the most perverted thoughts and behavior the world has ever seen, you deserve to feel safe and capable of being loved. If you can’t love, if you can’t follow-do no harm to others then we do have a responsibility to ourselves and the public, but also to you, to keep that from happening.
Atonement, that is someone accepting their mistakes, acknowledging their tresspasses of needless violence on others whether it was keeping more than you needed and by doing so continued the shadows of greed and envy or whether you acted out violence on another human being, you can do better, more, and if nothing else-heal. That’s your choice. We don’t however need to dole out justice. Socrates said justice is minding your own goddamn business and I haven’t met anyone I know that is as intelligent as he was from all the evidence I’ve experienced in my life so I’m going with that and it applies to guess what? Everyone!
Socrates is an example of everything I’m saying. We have misread him for a very long time. I was so excited when I found a puzzle that Plato and I’m guessing he left for us under all the words and through the words. One of the things he said that blew me away was that he thinks that no one sins knowingly. I trust him if I trust another person so I’ve sat with that for a long time to not only ponder but let my mind germinate, simmer with it. I now know what he means and I agree emphatically.
“Who are these seekers after truth, if they are neither the wise nor the ignorant?” he asked his mentor Diotima, he tells his students. She essentially tells him everyone and no one. She then says, “It will be neither words, nor knowledge, nor a something that exists in something else, such as a living creature, or the earth, or the heavens, or anything that is - but subsisting of itself and by itself in an eternal oneness, while every lovely thing partakes of it in such sort that, however much the parts may wax and wane, it will be neither more nor less, but still the same inviolable whole. And if, my dear Socrates, Diotima went on, man’s life is ever worth the living, it is when he has attained this vision of the very soul of beauty. And once you have seen it, you will never be seduced again by the charm of gold, of dress, of comely boys, or lads just ripening to manhood; you will care nothing for the beauties that used to take your breath away and kindle such a longing in you…And remember, she said, that it is only when he discerns beauty itself through what makes it visible that a man will be quickened with the true and not the seeming, virtue-for it is virtue’s self that quickens him, not virtue’s semblance. And when he has brought forth and reared this perfect virtue, he shall be called the friend of god, and if ever it is given to man to put on immortality, it shall be given to him.
This, Phaedrus - this, gentlemen - was the doctrine of Diotima.” Socrates says, “I was convinced, and in that conviction I try to bring others to the same creed, and to convince them that, if we are to make this gift our own, Love will help our mortal nature more than all the world.”
Ok guys, so I’m going to take everything I have learned and experienced and turn it into something for everyone. A story, a sanctuary, a church. You can help or you can scoff, I don’t really care. All I need is to not be intentionally harmed any more. All I need is the freedom to create. All I need is sustenance to survive while I’m doing this. This is love. This is passion. This is freedom. This is justice and I want everyone, and I mean everyone to be able to feel this. Why not? It feels amazing. Why does feeling amazing seem scary? Dangerous? Impossible?
We’re going to cover all that. I don’t know a lot, truly. I have spent all of my life in the upsidedown. What I do know though, is this, I am finally ready to introduce myself to the world and let the chips fall where they may. I have been undercover my entire life. I don’t know if the people named Phil and Coleen are really my biological sperm and egg donors. I just know that my first clear memory around the age of six was of sitting in the doorway of my parents room. I am angry as hell. My sister has just ratted me out for something I didn’t do. My parents are smart enough to know she’s up to no good but they aren’t intelligent enough to know how to handle the situation. So, instead of sorting it out like adults they said we would both get punished.
I had literally been minding my own business and I remember thinking that this thing had happened so so many times, me minding my own business and my father suddenly taking me up by a wrist, ankle, or neck out of the blue. His big, rough, always warm hands would suddenly appear before me, grabbing me and before I knew it I was being lectured, yelled at, spanked or worse, much much worse. I usually didn’t even understand what was going on until after it all happened.
They, I don’t know who I thought “they” were but they were always trying to trip me up no matter how hard I tried or no matter how much attention I paid. I’m helping my sister one minute and the next she’s staring at my father in fear because he is to be feared, he’s told us that many many times in many many ways. I can’t blame her, I know what it feels like to be a deer staring at those oncoming headlights too but it would always surprise me that people’s instincts were to sacrifice me rather than take the hit.
I didn’t blame her, taking hits from those hands as little little girls was beyond painful. He was our hero, our savior, our daddy and then he would be pain, humiliation and shame melting your very soul. She was my sister, just older than me but I knew that she didn’t understand what I did. I had tried explaining it to all of them but no one would listen I thought. Now I know they couldn’t. And she was smaller and softer in my mind which meant weaker and anyone who would hurt or allow hurt to someone smaller and softer than themselves was my enemy and so I would never be that person on pain of death because at six I knew there were worse things than death.
I decided it was ok, I’d forgive her like I always did because that is what Jesus would do. Then I turned and looked into the room where my dad was picking out which width of belt he would use to spank us. The skinnier they were the more they stung. I don’t know if we said that to him but we all knew he knew and he knew we knew and he would take his fucking time with those belts hanging in the closet out in a row like trophies. Prized tools. They were prized items because he kept them nice and shiny. He never cleaned something unless he valued it because it was his. Cleaning was women’s work and he was no woman, that fact was made over and over and over and over again. So, if he stood and took the time to polish something, do something like a woman then it must be fucking important. That’s how I knew he valued something, he took time with it. Otherwise my father did not see it or you, period. His wife would make jokes about it, “he’s just a bull in a China shop.”
Everyone always chuckled. Those that knew him knew what she meant and even if it made them uncomfortable she made them comfortable with it. It was ok that Phil broke things and people because he was what? I never understood what the implication was? Was it that he was an animal, a male cow which is just so dumb but strong and necessary and so we will all respect that strength, that giant cock hanging off of him like a god? Ooops.
He did not have a giant cock. They just wanted everyone to believe that the size of his neck and braun equaled his virility which is all ridiculous. If a bull is in a china shop it is not a dumb animal whatever those two words mean. It is a living creature out of its element which would make it scared and angry, something we can all relate with. It would know exactly what it was doing if it was destroying the shop. Phil was not that, he was a human among other humans in houses and he had no excuse for his actions except for his broken psyche and projecting ego.
In my head, Coleen knew this too so I knew the reason she was using that little story was to excuse him, to get others to excuse him because if she didn’t then they risked exposing themselves as what they were, child abusers. And she was not going to let anyone take her children because they were hers! When Phil went into his “rampage” which was really a methodical ritual she would either be very quiet or make a very big fuss but she never actually tried to stop him in any of my memories.
After one especially traumatic scene with my father I remember her putting her arms around me and another child, pretending to cry she said she wished he would stop hurting us, that she wished she could make him stop. It was because of that that I missed it, that she was a wolf in sheep's clothing, totally complicit, probably enjoying it on some level or that Amazonian woman who had already battled her mother and the world would not have let him hurt her precious’.
Regardless, I am a six year old trying to sort through a very large amount of information because I am desperate to figure out how to get free of all of this but I’ve already decided a long time ago that I cannot leave the other kids or I would be just as bad as the adults. So, while I was watching him in fear and white hot rage along with the emotions of my sister hurting my feelings and pissing me off I let my little super computer brain take in all the data it could in the moment.
I already knew knowledge was power, that it equaled freedom more than muscles. I just needed enough or the right kind and I would be able to fix this. I knew he knew she had done it and that’s why she was going first but he also, I imagine, did not like the way I looked at him, the way I spoke. Not just in that moment but all the time, so he made sure that going second was just as tortuous as going first because you had to watch the person in front of you quake as the two of you are taking in what’s about to happen.
From my perspective, he always took his time as far as time can be reckoned when your six trying to not physically be sick or pee your pants because messes are gross and that would only make him angrier. He enjoyed this part even though it will kill him to hear this. That’s what I saw, that’s what I believed. How could he not with the methodical, time consuming ways he took to punish us. With the psychological warfare he used against us?
If he wasn’t aware of what he was doing to us he was smart enough to be if he had just taken a moment and looked at us on the floor where he had positioned us. We didn’t wait on chairs like adults because children weren’t adults. “They were to be seen and not heard.” I’ve heard this a million times and it still echoes in my skull and makes me feel angry and sour. If he had really looked he would have seen two children under the age of seven waiting for spankings from a grown ass man who bragged about his physical prowess as a wrestler and a blue collar construction type. Boy did those things make Coleen hot and the two of them have made damn sure everyone, including their kids knew that.
If he had really looked he would have seen two small girls in overused, hand-me-down clothing, with hands accustomed to doing the work of adult maid services, top to bottom or your ass is his. It didn’t matter if Coleen and he had never taught you to dust door frames before, if you missed it you could go to bed and try not to have nightmares and pee yourself as you waited the entire night for your retribution.
The power of innocence though can be seen throughout it all. Kids can make anything fun. Erica, the second oldest girl in the family, who I loved and respected which was pretty rare for me. She cracked me up because she was so smart, such an engineer even before she was ten. She was the only one that took pity on me if it was to be found. I believe she led us through experimenting with layers. I can’t remember who decided to try the pillows in our pants first but I’m sure I remember everyone cracking up while she experimented with stuffing blankets and pillows down different types of pants.
The flatter the pillow the better, so once we decided we’d done our homework someone had to do it for the first time. Someone would have to put the pillows in their pants when we went to go get spanked and see if he noticed. I suspect it was me but if not I imagine it was Erica or Tasha. I do remember the first time I did it I was almost black out afraid of what Phil would do if he figured it out. Looking back it’s morbidly funny to think that we thought we were smart enough to hide pillows down our pants from our possibly sociopathic parents who were methodical in their dealings with us.
I know he knew now and I am guessing that is why he gave up spanking us just about every single morning. How long that maniacal spree lasted has been up for debate among my family who are all so brilliant but so very asleep and hurting. It felt like ages to us of course because we were children being whipped every single morning for whatever speck of dust Phil could find when he got home from work every day. The punishment always came the next morning after a night of “getting” to think about our mistakes, our actions. Because we were taught in every single possible way that actions have consequences and that consequences can be the end of the world. Phil and Coleen, up until the last meal I shared with them and my sisters, scoffed, laughed light heartedly at us trying to lay out our sadness and dismay at the experience. I will never forget Phil’s laugh, the look on his face, his body language as he stated casually but very matter of factly, with all his priesthood authority, “It was a couple days, a week tops.”
The conversation was over. No, I mean he said it in a way that suggested to our brains that the conversation was over or else. Everyone stopped trying to get him and her to see reason, they snapped back into their persona’s and we had our family dinner. I could never figure out why he didn’t rip the pillows out of our pants and punish us? Or did the punishments come later during the times I lost time? I don’t know still but that obvious display of child abuse, of authority, of spirituality happened and he admitted it while he laughed light heartedly at all his daughters who were trying to express true hurt, seeking true remorse so that they could heal. He refused to give it to us. At that moment I knew I was done with him and Coleen.
Whatever familial feelings I had for them at that last dinner, whatever hope remained in my body and heart that my parents actually loved me evaporated in that moment and I knew I had to get on with my life. I knew that my quest and helping heal my daughter was all that mattered. I wasn’t sure if I could ever forgive myself for letting her get hurt by him and Coleen too, after all I’d done to try to stop kids from being hurt and I’d missed that it was my parents from the beginning. It made me feel like a damn fool. I’d missed it and relied on them in my time of need and they hurt her under my nose.
Back to being six on this particular occasion, sitting in the hallway just outside the door frame. I had developed a coping mechanism, I’d stare at something while something too awful to comprehend was happening and fall into whatever I was looking at and explore it. Because of my need to know how to clean better than most adults I’ve met in my life I became a studier of walls, floors, paint, floor boards. I have so many images in my mind that I’m not sure what was actually going on but I was far away studying those things, learning about them, storing that information in my nifty database, my imagination, my interior castle.
I come to and I see he’s still enjoying deciding which belt to choose and like future reality television hosts he’d use the method of drawing out the decision to create that vibrating fear that threatened to shake your cells apart. I could almost hear his thoughts I thought, “which will it be, you little skinny stingy guy or you wide and flat but brutal man? Which one, which one?”
I couldn’t handle watching Heather’s face as he did his little song and dance. A chip in the paint on the wall caught my attention but I could feel something coming over me that I was scared of. I think I was about to dissociate but I didn’t know what that was so I began to fantasize to keep myself present as I had so many times before. The question of how to save the kids was a burning one, intense enough that it could slice through the panic and help me ground. I was going to save the kids and we’d all be free one day. As Heather cried because Phil whipped her with a leather belt I decided with a ferocity and conviction that adults aren’t capable of, I was going to kill all the bad men.
The idea thrilled me, that was the answer but how do you eliminate them when they are so much physically stronger than women and children? Somewhere between conception and six years old I had made the unwavering decision that I had to protect my siblings from the bad people, the bad man and woman specifically who I could not comprehend were also my parents, the people who were supposed to love and protect me. I knew protecting those less intelligent or weaker than me was my job because none of the adults would do it, no one else would do it and it’s all I ever wanted. Someone to talk to, someone who could give me answers that made sense; why were adults hurting and having sex with the little kids when we didn’t want them to?
All I knew was that I seemed to be the only one in the world who understood that something was very, very wrong and because of that I had to step up. No, I didn’t think about all of this intellectually, I couldn’t have communicated it to any other adults, I was a baby. In my thirties when I was trying to tell a police officer what happened to me as a child, he scoffed and told me I could have gone to the police any time. Are you serious dude? I was a straight up baby and it's a miracle that I computed any of this like this. Clearly the angels were speaking to me and keeping me safe or I was just an Einstein baby but the idea that I should have figured out to call 911 when I was six on my parents is so insane that he should be institutionalized until he understands what he said and who he said it to.
All I know is that everything was about survival and if I got to survive then everyone should. Nothing else was right. I knew that like I have never known anything else. This is the first time in my life I have been able to think these words, I’m a smart cookie, and not feel numb or like I’m going to throw up. Or maybe I have the impulse to try to convince people that I am because A) I had to keep so very much of myself a secret and B) because I was constantly told in one form or another that I was drama, a pain, a mess, time consuming, a money consuming little monster.
Anyway, I always had my sister's back, I had sacrificed a lot for her in my mind and she was always so oblivious. To make it worse, she was manipulative. She would find ways to blame everyone else for whatever was going on. She would whine in my opinion, a lot and I didn’t understand that if I’d figured out that whining made things worse why hadn’t she? I’m sorry I thought so many judgemental, harsh things about my siblings. I didn’t understand what it meant that we were actually just lost and confused kids. It felt like I was in a war that I couldn’t see any end to and we were all soldiers. I needed them to act the part but only the younger kids took me seriously.
We all needed to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and do our part but she just never seemed to get that. And if possible she’d slither out of work or if it came down to it she would throw me under the bus every time it was going to save her. So why did I throw myself in front of her when bullets were flying? Because I’d realized somehow and for some reason it felt like long ago back then that even when I was six that she didn’t understand what was happening. We were always in danger and it seemed like they all recognized this problem part of the time and then the rest of the time they’d forget and it would get us all in trouble again.
I constantly had the feeling of herding cats because of this. They never understood why I would get so frustrated, they were like a bunch of little dementia patients. I was six so I couldn’t think in many layers yet, in my mind if we played by the rules I’d figured out then we’d be safer but they’d forget and off we’d go for retribution and the resentment could not help but fester. I could just feel the crushing frustration when we were going to get punishments we could have avoided.
Also, I thought I knew what was going on because we all think that but I was very confused. I was silently, crazily confused for almost my entire life. When my mission had to transform to save the kids to save the world so you can save all the kids which meant I had to discover what it meant to be this thing called human. Whatever the case, Heather was in the dark, I knew that on some level, so she fell into my parents traps more easily than I. My parents' traps were really ways for them to justify hurting us. To me that meant she needed someone to protect her just as much or more than I did.
To stay mad at her, in my six year old mind would have been like being angry at a tree or flower. While she made me furious beyond control I still loved her furiously. I always wanted and tried to protect her when I could. This was the pickle I was in. These were the thoughts and feelings I remember having. I was angry, it wasn’t fair, there wasn’t anything about life that was fair even though everyone pretended there was. The next part is upsetting, so trigger warning. All these thoughts and feelings and my belly started to hurt so bad from the anxiety of waiting for my turn to get punished.
I think in an effort to distract myself from that fear and pain I started thinking about how I could stop those bad men from hurting little girls. How I could empower myself. That’s what I was going to do when I grew up. I started sorting through scenarios of how I could stop them. Killing them seemed the safest bet, becoming a ninja. I imagined myself downloading that program. Yes, before the Matrix movie, so you can imagine my reaction when I saw that film. Then in my mind's eye I stopped, conundrum, even as a grown woman I would be physically weaker than men. I could see myself getting into fights I couldn’t win.
I knew what they were capable of, just thinking of the bad men and I could feel myself dissociating. I was getting so scared I wouldn’t be able to think and damn it I wasn’t going to let that stop me from stopping them. I pressed on in my imagination and finally found a scenario, a hotel, that was public, it would have to be during sex. That was when men were the most distracted, the most vulnerable in my six years of life experiences…especially when they orgasm! Haha, that was it, I remember actually feeling an evil excitement.
It wasn’t about sex people, I was six! It wasn’t even about killing the person, it was that in that moment when a man orgasmed his eyes glazed over and he was vulnerable. It was the only time I’d seen them vulnerable. Otherwise they were the gods. I was excited at the realization that I had found a loophole. Could I plunge the knife in their body? Could I cause harm to another human? To stop them from doing the unthinkable things that were inside of me it was an easy choice. A choice I was angry no one else had made for any of us yet.
I would be looking out for who to trust and who not to.This was a simple plan, that was something I knew I could do. I imagined plunging the knife. I was very particular about the process of things, how things worked, why things worked, I always tried to start at the beginning. It would have to be at a public place, a hotel so I could get away. I knew houses were some of the most dangerous places. I grimaced in disgust thinking about letting them inside of me, giving them the only piece of me, of women that they truly valued. In my mind they said a lot of things about values but at the end of the day I always took note regarding whether a person’s actions matched up with their words.
Men never did, be good, be honest, be smart, be kind but they weren’t and yet they were the ones with all the power or so I thought. My mom, in my mind, was weak. She never stopped him. She seemed sad when he hurt us but she never stopped him so I assumed she didn’t know how. I assumed she was too scared or weak physically or mentally to stop him so I didn’t blame her. I loved her and wished for so so much more for her. She talked about what life might have been if she’d gone ahead with her life and not had children.
Her hippie days, she was so damn proud of being a Mormon Hippie as if that were a thing. She had long hair and wore some hippie style clothing and bam, she had a fam. She needed a fam, that was clear, we all knew about Grandma. She groped us sometimes, told us we were filthy urchins, or Coleen told us that’s what she’d said. Coleen would melt down every time that woman came around, absolutely lose her mind which would set Phil off so when Lou was a comin’ we were a runin’ around like chickens with our heads cut off.
Coleen did help me see the possibilities of being free, college, news, politics, they all sounded so glamorous and meaningful. I mourned her decision my entire childhood. I hated that she’d chosen Phil and given birth to us. I wished I’d never been born with an intensity that is only had as a child. An intensity that left a lasting wound. College, people making news in the 60’s, fighting the establishment, she was very proud of being part of the hippie movement. She told everyone about it. What she’d had, adventures, freedom, exploration, those were things I didn’t dare dream of, all I thought I could hope for was a husband, a home, and children and I just wanted myself and my children to be safe.
She cooked everything from scratch, she helped us clean, she drove us around, she pretty much did everything but go to work. That was ALL Phill did besides whatever the hell he wanted, from my perspective. Coleen was a slave, we were slaves, we were chattel on his farm, we were girls to give away to burly men so we could have children and multiply and replenish the earth. We were items or animals to him and Coleen to be raised up at their expense and pain and suffering but then to hopefully be prize herefords they could trade with some other family and finally make something of themselves.
Coleen loved to tell people funny antidotes. She taught us how to act, how to speak, how to have manners, it was very important to her and Phil. In my mind it was only important to him because he cared what others thought to the point he’d rather hurt his kids than figure out how to teach without abuse. Coleen seemed to care about what others thought because she made it seem very important. As in, other people’s perspectives mattered to her and to Jesus and so they mattered to me.
I never felt like a child. I never had a sense that I had nothing to worry about. I didn’t even feel human. I didn’t relate with anyone, ever. I saw how people responded to what they didn’t understand, anger or worse, manipulation. I saw how dangerous and scary they could be even when it seemed like they cared. None of that mattered though, I was still a powerless child, all I could do was fantasize about killing the bad men. In the meantime I would have to hide who I really was, hide what I was going to do and just wait till I had enough information to set myself free.
One of the many problems with this scenario is that I still had to survive my home life to the age of eighteen before I could leave. That had been made very clear to me and that seemed like an eternity away. Time became my enemy. I would sit in our backyard and sing, dreaming of being free. Of running through somewhere beautiful and being able to call it home and know that I was safe. God, that’s all I wanted is to feel safe for one second of one day.
However, at some point I realized that I would lose the ability to see what was really going on because all the adults around me had. It was a safe and logical conclusion. I really cannot comprehend how I managed this but at some point I realized Coleen was not our savior, not our mother. She was intelligent, cold, calculating and I knew that she had more resources and knowledge of the world so she was going to win unless I found a way to hide in plain sight.
I watched a lot of movies growing up. My father watched pretty much whatever he wanted. Somehow he justified watching R rated movies despite his religious beliefs stating that R rated movies are evil. Television was this magic box where I got to see stories of people that seemed freer and smarter than all of us. I wanted to experience that so badly. I am sure that I saw spy movies so that’s where I might have gotten the idea to go undercover. The first time I watched the series Alias I really wondered if I was on the Trueman show.
Whatever the case, I buried my true self, my true reason for existing deep, deep down so that I could barely hear myself. If I could pretend so well to forget then I’d forget but I also knew it was all still in there. I made layers, vaults, alley ways, crumbling castles in my brain to store all my info, all my selves. I maybe did it too well or the number that was done on me made it much harder to reach again than I thought it would be, much harder and much more painful. I don’t really know what the reality of my childhood was. I just know that a child doesn’t think like this for no reason.
These memories have always been there but in pieces and fragments in my brain. In fact, everything in my brain was pieces and fragments up until the mid 2000’s. Living was very difficult because my memory wasn’t linear. It was memories, beliefs, concepts, plans, schemes, hopes, dreams all tucked in different corners with different codes to unlock them. Only I had the key. It took me so so much work, determination, stamina, passion, and courage to get here but I got here and I thank everyone that helped me along the way from the bottom of my heart.
I started the Podcast this way because of what’s going on right now out in the world. Children have been in trouble for a very long time and it is only getting worse. I have spent my life trying to leverage every resource I could to try to learn as much as I could of all the relevant information that I found in order to solve this mystery once and for all. I let hints out about it and even those were received with absolute disbelief and scorn. Children recognize energy, they recognize respect when it’s given or withheld even if they can’t articulate all that.
Part of answering that question has been learning about the abuse cycle. As far as I’m concerned, it is something to the effect that when we are abused we have the compulsion to abuse others weaker than us to try to build ourselves back up from trauma instead of being able to address the trauma. Child abuse has become an epidemic. I am going to repeat myself a lot. When we are abused we have the compulsion to abuse others weaker than us to try to build ourselves back up from the trauma instead of addressing it head on
It is 2024, countless people have fought or died in the name of art, literature, freedom, and justice but we’re still trying to figure out equality. The richest men on the planet are trying to build rockets to space. We haven’t explored our own oceans fully and we are letting them die which will result in all our deaths or those of our posterity. You’re welcome kids. Be good, be honest, be humble, be kind, wink wink. This is the world we’re living in and when I ask everyone what the actual fuck, I am met with blank stares or long lectures.
The news has been bought and sold so many times it’s hardly a real mechanism of value in our society any more but rather a brainwashing tool. The world is run by a couple dozen narcissistic maniacs and we’re all just ok with that, not really but yeah. We know there are countries with dictators who abuse, starve, and neglect their people as they use their offices of authority to pillage and plunder their people right from under their noses.
Guess what, that’s all governments and we all know it by now and if we don’t we’re still strapped in tight to the Matrix. Kids are being trafficked, raped, assaulted, and killed all over, every day,6 in staggering numbers while the world sits on the greatest minds and resources its ever had and twiddles its thumbs in despair. Do you not see the answer here guys? It’s ok if you don’t, I didn’t either. I had to unplug and struggle. I had to educate myself till I couldn’t hold any more in my head. I had to make myself believe things just to survive. And I had to go go go because if I paused I would either start crying and never stop or I’d kill myself.
If we can’t save the children before moving on to bigger better things then I’m not sure what we’re all doing here? Why do we deserve to go off planet when we haven’t even figured out how to feed our young because we are too preoccupied with scheming. Don’t squirm, it's you and you and you and me. We’ve all sat there planning our lives, calculating risks and losses, just most people don’t notice the super computer running in their head like I did.
Then we all pretend we aren’t all lying, scheming, and cheating to get a head or at the very least looking the other way because it's become pretty clear there isn’t anywhere left on the planet where people still have an excuse for not knowing that something is very very wrong? People have been asleep for too long. The most amazing and even embarrassing part is going to be when we look back and see how obvious the answer to world peace was all along. That’s how I felt when I found it.
On March 16th I solved a Socratic puzzle I discovered in 2010 on my quest. I laid to meditate and I had a dream. In that dream I saw that we are the aliens in Ender’s game and we are the ones fighting ourselves because we’ve been brainwashed to see what they want us to see. Why? This is the question my friend Patricia kept asking me as if everything else I said wasn’t enough. So, I kept looking for Christ's sake. There it was, the answer was there all along. I just had to understand all the layers to it. Save the kids, save the world. Save the kids, save the world. That’s how you bring about world peace.
Why did they keep this realization from us ages ago? Why did they make it “for liberty and justice for all, men?” All adults? I will tell you why. Watch Jango, it's right there. If we humans let fear drive us we become desperate enough that we will take any freedoms, real or imaginary, especially if they come with perks. It’s not their fault, it’s not our fault. The human psyche has amazing capabilities, amazing imaginative ways to cope.
They kept it from us because of the American dream. They kept it from us because of slavery. They kept it from us because they are the one percent and have been for quite some time. They learned that slaves will revolt. End of story. It is the human spirit, it is free, it cannot be contained no matter how long or how hard you try. Q got it on Star Trek. So how do you keep people in chains? You make them believe they are free so they won’t revolt. Make them sleepy so they won’t notice. Make them hurt so they are busy trying to stop the pain. Make them hungry so they can only think of paying bills and buying food. It has worked for a long time but no more.
The world, the universe, it is enough, it is scary enough, we don’t need to add to that with greed and lies driven by fear. We do not need to chain the beast within ourselves. We need to let it free, let it run wild, let it fly, if it is not hungry, it will not eat you. Feed your beast with the feast before you, you don’t need to keep serving in the hopes that you will someday get to sit with the fancy people. Fancy isn’t real. People, that’s fancy. People are amazing.
Are you tired of feeling like you see something from the corner of your eye? Are you desperate to not feel depressed or anxious again? Do you want to believe? It is my story, my perspective, my truth. It is a way for you to find yours. It is a way we ensure as few children get hurt as possible in the future. It is a way for real atonement to take place, real healing of the world and to stop tearing the planet’s soul and lobotomizing our own. It is a way to world peace. It is the way to save the planet. It is the way that all of us get what we need and more. What are we waiting for? Isn’t it time?
I’m Fox, I do believe. I have seen. I have heard. I do know and I know I know nothing which is the only thing that makes me one step ahead of most. It is time to wake up for everyone. It is time for freedom for all no matter who you are, or what you’ve done, what you believe, where you're from, what you look like or what family you’re born into, you will be safe, educated and free to pursue exactly who you are until you are ready to enter the world and see what’s what. Let’s all practice seeing each other as ourselves. Not in the Christian way but the only way only you can.
Be a balm to each other. Be kind. Remember manners not because its proper, fuck that bullshit. Remember manners because it gives us all a safe way to be around each other. Don’t compete with each other, that’s a lie. The competition is against ourselves, our best time, our best meal, our best sex. We don’t need to use shame and humiliation to teach character any more, we know that but we do need to teach character people and that’s not happening. Even if it happens, even if you are teaching how they can be their best selves you aren’t being yours.
You can’t, you are wrapped in shrouds. Your eyes are covered in coins. Your jaws are wired shut. Wait, listen, listen to the person next to you, there is music coming from them, from you. There is still so much art, discovery, knowledge, challenges, and explorations to be had. There is still so much love to be felt. We live on an amazing planet with mysteries all around us that we’ve been ignoring. Let’s explore, let’s extrapolate, let’s deconstruct and then reconstruct again. Let’s tear things apart and put them back together again, better this time.
We don’t need to figure out the math, the math is there to help us explore. There is no set formula, the formulas are there for us to understand each other. Maybe Christ atoned for our sins in some way, maybe he didn’t. All I know though is that he says repent and I’m asking all of you to repent. I’m asking all of you to come clean. Tell us your truth, tell us what only you know. Even if you are the predator, we need to hear from you. We need to understand you, help you, support you, love you, help you heal. That’s how we stop the wars. That’s how we reach world peace. We wake up together and get on the same page. If adults deserve basic human rights, babies deserve more. If we have enough then why are we withholding from others? Don’t you all believe in kindness if you're not a sociopath? Even if you are, I wager that logically speaking it makes perfect sense that if we protect our young and give them what they need they will be able to expand our understanding of ourselves with yet another, unique, beautiful, perspective.
Babies don’t need morals. They don’t need a savior from ages ago. What they do need is love, healthy touch, community, and an objective education. They need protection and the ability to thrive while they develop so that by the time they enter society as an adult they understand their rights AND their responsibilities to each other and the planet, to all life forms, biological and otherwise. Who are we to decide what can become self aware and what can’t? Who are we to say what sentience means?
Life thrives when left unmolested. It’s that simple. Let it thrive. Live, laugh, love, pray, sit silent, and above all else, do no harm. The idea that there are only bad and worse decisions to make is a lie, a shroud. The idea that there isn’t anything original left to discover is hilarious. Wake up and get excited guys because you don’t need anyone or anything to tell you who you are or what your worth is. The physical experience is enough, let’s try to figure out how to navigate it. Let’s not say what is what until we solve basic human problems like hunger and abuse.
Practice what you want, believe what you do, be who you are, recognize what’s actually happening around you and what’s just fear creating illusions. Care about everyone because it's really not that hard. Just don’t do harm to yourself while you are. Love yourself first, like you take the oxygen masks on a plane so you can stay conscious long enough to help your child or others. When survival is the issue then by all means do what you need to in order to survive but if a bear isn’t headed your way, it’s a ruse. It is a means to control you. And if killing others is a way to keep yourself alive then you aren’t getting it, there are worse things than death, than finality.
There are better things than death and finality. Life! Let the universe keep score, we are much too small to do so ourselves and brief in the scheme of things. All we need to do is seek balance through knowledge and part of knowing is knowing in your bones and until we know what that is scientifically we can call it what we want and not force anyone else to call it or see it the same way. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. It’s right there for all of you mormons. Stop molesting your children.
Children are not objects to be owned. They aren’t replica’s of yourselves. That is really short sighted if that’s how you view them. They are not yours, they are not mine, they are their own intelligent, mysterious, individual souls that add diversity, creativity, and beauty while all being one and the same. Every song, every movie, every person is crying for help if we listen. We all just want to be loved, we all want to have what we need not in order to survive but to thrive. It is time to step out of the shadows of oppression and recognize that the wilderness is there for a reason. Danger, it just is. We do not need to add to it with ideas of evil. We do not need to teach our children fear, it just is. They will feel it and use it when it needs to be, otherwise it is a plow that is being turned into a sword. Churchill spelled it out, the only thing to fear is fear itself.
Fear makes us do crazy things. We are all scared so we are all crazy. I have not met Christ. I do not know if he was real or if he is a character from a story or maybe he was even a she? I don’t know and honestly you don’t either, we don’t have enough information so people just started filling in the negative spaces and calling it good or evil. Made up random rules and tried to keep people in the dark so they could control them, so they could feel powerful but at the end of the day, even if you’re some old, unimaginably rich dude that has made decisions that have swayed the masses of the world, you were once a child.
And now you’re acting like a spoiled child that doesn’t understand the beauty of sharing. Who is playing make believe in your little cults, doing your little rituals, hurting innocence because you imagine it gives you something, long life, jizz in your pants but just because you figured out how to bully from a distance, you’re still a bully and no one likes bullies. So, I imagine it’s been a lonely experience for you too
I’m asking you to listen to my story because I have been listening to yours for a very long time. That’s what this Podcast is going to be, a treatise to humanity - please, please stop hurting the children. If you want world peace, that is how we get there, we find a way to provide freedom, justice and equality, not for all men but for all innocence.
Yes, I started a church, a religion, an institution and we all feel that we know all things can be corrupted and I am telling you that we have layered on the shit so heavily at this point when it comes to rights and laws that religions are legally one of the last legal sanctuaries. That is what the OPC has been created for, check it out, or not. I am asking you to come back to my story, to discuss it, to look for other stories that will help you set yourself free and explore what it means to really be human because its pretty fucking dope.
Yeah, I’m awkward and weird but I didn’t ask to be this way, I’m just asking for consideration and the same kind of faith in me that I’ve put in you. Have a wonderful day, namaste, may the gods and angels sing and dance today because we are free, we are finally free! Now we just need to live with integrity, with intelligence, logic, spirit, and kindness whatever those things mean.

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